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Do you have a loved one or family member struggling with the daily tasks of living at home, who is in an unsafe situation due to physical or memory-related challenges, or who has been diagnosed with dementia?
You may be facing the need to look into long-term care options for your loved one. It can feel overwhelming and can even cause you feelings of guilt. You will likely ask yourself questions like āWhat do I do?ā or āHow can I find the best solution?ā
It is important to remember that this is a big decision, and you want to find the best answers. It is good to have some starting points to think about as you move forward.
You may need to speak with your loved oneās physician to determine the diagnosis and the difficulties the physician is observing. If your family member or loved one is showing physical problems or weaknesses, they will need a different kind of care than if they are experiencing signs of dementia.
There are several types of long-term care, and understanding the differences is important. Depending on your loved one’s needs, you may choose one of the following:
Candidates for Assisted Living (AL) communities include people in reasonably good health who shouldnāt live at home, people with mild physical problems, and patients with the beginning stages of dementia or Alzheimer’s. AL homes can include apartments where spouses can live together. These communities usually provide meals and have staff to help with daily living. Often you can bring your loved oneās bedroom and living room furniture, which makes them feel more at home.
These can be similar to Assisted Living Homes but with staff specially trained to help patients with memory issues. Memory care may include stimulating activities to increase brain function and instruction in techniques to deal with frustration, anger, and wandering.
Some people will opt for home care with nurses and aides coming to the patientās residence. Most of the time, this is not a 24-hour solution and can sometimes be difficult to schedule.
These facilities are designed for persons who need more physical or memory care than the above options can provide.
No place will be the same as the home your loved one is leaving, so look for features that can help replicate the feeling of home. Look for colorful walls, cheerful paintings, natural light, soft carpets, or nicely tiled floors. Avoid facilities with a clinical look and harsh lighting.
Safety features should be in place as well, of course, including grab bars in key areas, doors that prevent unauthorized access, and responsive nurses and aides.
Look for a community that has staff trained to meet the needs of your loved one. Check the ratings of the community, ask about the training and degrees the staff hold, and spend time observing the interaction of staff and patients.
You want your loved one to have as rich a social/activity life as they want and can take part in. There should be a variety of physical activities (exercise classes or dancing), mental stimulation (games and activities that keep the mind sharp), art and musical opportunities, and special events and programs.
Most communities will have a dining room with a nice ambiance where residents can eat and even invite guests to join them. Some patients may not be able to come to the dining room and should have the same food delivered and help with meals as needed.
Often patients with dementia need special utensils and extra help with meals.
Food options and ordering should be available as not every resident likes the same food, and some may have food allergies. Snacks should be available as well as food for special events like Thanksgiving and Christmas.
This can be the most difficult, as your loved one may not want to go live somewhere else, may not want to be separated from the family, or may not understand the situation.
You, your loved oneās physician, trusted friends, relatives, counselors, or pastors might be needed to help you make the best decision. If you meet resistance from your loved one, have compassion and try to empathize with them. They may have anger and blame the family who is trying to help them.
Family guilt can be very difficult as you try to deal with this. Be kind to yourself as well! Try to realize that, as unpleasant as it may be, you have to make the best, loving decision for them. As you are doing this, it is also time to look at legal aspects such as a will, a living will, a person appointed as a Power of Attorney, and, if necessary, a āDo Not Resuscitateā (DNR) order.
If your loved one helps you by telling you what they want in a facility, that is great. If not, you may have to look for them. You can help them with their room. If you can, bring their furniture. Even if you use the facilityās furniture, you may be able to bring their TV, pictures they love, a bookcase of their favorite books, music, and pillows to make them more comfortable.
Ask about other services the community may supply, such as field trips, on-site hair styling, or nail care. Find out about the procedure for taking your loved one out of the facility for dining, church attendance, or shopping.
Exploring long-term care solutions for your loved one can be very overwhelming. Take care of yourself as you go through this difficult time. Donāt be afraid to ask lots of questions and get as much information as you can to make the best decision. Be aware that you and your loved one will go through a transition that may last a month or more.
It is possible to make this transition positive and a situation that is best for all involved.
