Developing healthy caregiver skills can take years of experience, and when the person in need of care is one's parent the situation may be complicated by the nature of that relationship. 
Research out this week shows that in nearly half of all families where an elderly parent requires care, the responsibility has fallen on the shoulders of one sibling in particular to handle the majority of the effort.
Many reasons contribute to this statistic including:
- Roles and rivalries dating back to childhood
- Disagreements over financial matters
- Debate regarding the actual needs of the elderly parent or parents
- Ability to share the burden of care in an equitable manner
Dealing with such complicated issues can be daunting, but numerous elderly care organizations, websites and blogs promote events geared toward preparing to handle, or adjusting to, the task of caring for elderly parents.
Provision Living's Summit at Park Hills community in Fairborn, Ohio, recommends preparing and organizing for the task before care is needed, and especially before a move to assisted living or memory care takes place.
"Get everything in order, that's the number one tip I'd offer...make sure things like the power of attorney and will are setup, and communicate about those details ahead of time," said John Hamilton, executive director at the Summit community.
Issues that might cause disagreement or create tension should be addressed ahead of time, and this process of education will enhance the ability of children to be effective caregivers for their parents, and thus create a sense of empowerment, rather than doubt or nervousness.
When caregiving includes treatment of memory impairment conditions, such as dementia or Alzheimer's, education and support are only that much more important.
As some stories point out, the symptoms of Alzheimer's can include hostile behavior, which is very difficult to understand for children accustomed to relating to a loving parent. And if nothing else, the changes brought on by memory impairment create a need for support of the caregiver.
"Getting involved in a support group is very important," said Hamilton, "do this right away, and read up on the conditions and symptoms."
The Summit community organizes its own Alzheimer's and dementia support group, which is held once a month in conjunction with the memory care wing of the facility.
Approximately twenty people meet to discuss issues related to their family members with memory impairment, and the group is led by a staff member with expertise in Alzheimer's treatment.
Hamilton also recommends reaching out to Alzheimer's associations and cites the book The 36-Hour Day, by Nancy Mace and Peter Rabins, as a good place to start on reading about the condition.
When beginning the process of considering the needs of an elderly parent, the best advice is to start early, and don't go it alone. Get organized, prepare yourself, seek education and reach out for support.
(Image Courtesy Of David Boyle On Flickr)
